Penchant denounces Gov. Patterson Obesity Tax

Greensboro, NC -- Penchant Lama today denounced New York governor Paterson's recent call for an obesity tax on non-diet soda, claiming the plan is essentially toothless.

The governor considered Penchant's more severe "pay per pound" plan but ultimately rejected it based on the machete clause.

"You got to get these fat people moving," Penchant said. "You got to motivate these people to get off their tushes. Machetes will do this."

Penchant conceded there may have been a miscommunication between himself and the governor.

"The guy is blind," Penchant explained. "And he's got no sense of humor. He probably didn't understand my video proposal."

Better People to Throw Your Shoes AT!

President Bush isn't that bad. I assure you, he is not a bad man, just a victim of circumstance and very poor leadership skills. President Bush did not deserve to have a pair of dirty, smelly shoes thrown at him. In fact, right now, there are lots of people more deserving of a shoe fling than him. Here is my list of people I would love to throw my shoes at!

-O.J. Simpson - A true idiot.

-The 3 CEO's of the car companies - Flying in private jets to Capitol Hill to beg for a bail-out? Who does that?

-Hello Kitty - Meow! She annoys the crap out of everyone with her fat face.

-Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich - Selling a sentate seat? Oh...MY...God! As destructive as democracy gets!

-Bernard Madoff - Stealing millions from the innocent. This guy is NO Robin Hood.



Have more to add to this list? It is dynamic. So, come on, add your suggestions by posting a comment below! Nothing is too outrageous.

Penchant's Top 10 Worst Christmas Gifts

Greensboro, NC -- Hello everybody. My name is Penchant Lama, and today I'm going to reveal my top 10 worst Christmas gifts. Here's what you really should avoid buying under all cicumstances:

10. A Dyson vacuum cleaner: this gift implies the receiver is a dirty, dirty person.

9. The Zone Diet: this gift implies the receiver is an obese person.

8. A Billy Blanks TaeBow karate video: this gift implies the receiver will suffer a heart attack if they don't start exercising soon.

7. The Moosewood Cookbook: this gift implies the receiver is an animal murderer.

6. Guide to Solitaire book: this gift implies the receiver is a lonely bum with no friends.

5. Channel make-up: this gift implies the receiver is ugly and has skin deformities.

4. Electric nose hair clipper: this gift implies the receiver has slithery nose hair that is distracting in conversation.

3. A gift certificate to Lane Bryant: this gift implies the receiver is larger and more robust than necessary for sustained health and well being.

2. An Acorn Stairlifter: this gift is expensive, and implies the receiver is infirm and incapable of climbing.

1. A one-way ticket to Baghdad: this gift also is expensive, and implies that you never want to see the receiver again.

Merry Christmas.
Love, Penchant

Tyrice Returns!

Greensboro, NC -- Tyrice, Penchant Lama's infant, has returned from Permanent Care in Switzerland. Penchant shipped Tyrice overseas in a crate immediately after discovering she was an infant. However, in celebration of the birth of the baby Jesus, Permanent Care sends all of its children to their original homes for two weeks during the Christmas season.

"Today is the worst day of my life," Penchant announced when he and Koach Krafty picked Tyrice up at a delivery dock in Wilmington, NC on Monday. "When they said 'permanent' I thought they meant 'permanent'. Don't have the monies to take care of my baby girl. Plus, I have to change her kakas."

Yesterday Penchant enrolled Tyrice in day care. "Only bad thing about it is I have to pick her up. I'm not getting any sleep really."

Tyrice will return to Switzerland on January 2. Despite his complaints, Penchant has been seen reading Elmo books to his daughter every night.


To read about Penchant's arrival in America and his first adventure with Princess Mu and Stingy Guru, check out Tinkering, Book I of the Books of Penchant


- TsungChi

Chrissy Doll gives birth, Krafty gives buffet

Greensboro, NC -- Princess Mu's best friend Chrissy Doll gave birth to baby Jackson Ryan this afternoon. Koach Krafty, Chrissy Doll's dance teacher for 11 years, celebrated the event by throwing a buffet brunch shortly after the birth for the nurses and expecting mothers at the Women's Hospital in Greensboro.

Krafty loaded mostly sausages and brie from Naughty's into the Winnie and hauled the grub over to the hospital at 7:00am this morning. The buffet table stretched almost 65 feet. On Krafty's order, Penchant Lama denied male nurses access to the spread.

"We're celebrating life, but don't feed any of the newborns the sausages," Krafty announced before stuffing his face with a vegan sausage.

Naughty arrived at 8:00am with his waffle maker and his omlette chef, Mr. Matson Andrews. Stingy led the eaters by assing out 11 Western omlettes.

-TsungChi

To read about Penchant's arrival in America and his first adventure with Princess Mu and Stingy Guru, check out Tinkering, Book I of the Books of Penchant.

Drive-thru Pizza with a Disabilty

Penchant Lama is amazed that you can get pizza in America without going into the restaurant. All you need to do is go to the drive-thru, hand them your money (with your mouth) and wait! Video Web Series: Hilarious Pizza with a Disability Adventure

		> Buy this Shirt on Zazzle
		> Read Penchant's Story!
		> Return to Penchant Lama's Home Page

Penchant picked as handler for Macy's parade

Greensboro, NC -- Penchant Lama has been picked to be a handler in next week's Macy's Day Parade in New York City. Penchant was selected from thousands of applicants who auditioned in Central Park last Friday.


Penchant has been assigned to the rear left leg of Horton from Dr. Suess's Horton Hears a Who. He is one of 80 handlers of the rear leg.

"I wanted the trunk," Penchant complained. "But that thing kept lifting me off the ground, so they stuck me on a stationary limb."

Stingy Guru will be leading the parade as Master of Ceremonies. Koach Krafty has been assigned to Horton's left testicle.


To read more about how Penchant came to America, check out Tinkering, Book I of The Books of Penchant.

-TsungChi

Big Weight, Invalid Attacked, Hospitalized

Greensboro, NC -- Big Weight and Margeaux, the Invalid, were hospitalized today within two hours of each other. Margeaux was attacked by neighborhood dogs; Big Weight overdosed on Excedrin, popped on himself, vomited blood, and was rushed to the local hospital.

"You should definitely be punished if you defecate or upchuck on someone else's furniture," said Penchant Lama. "Who does that?"

Big Weight was visiting Princess Mu and Tsung Chi's house at the time of the incident. He was found licking blood from his shoulder.

"He should really have been wearing a diaper or Depends," Penchant said.

Margeaux, who arrived with her baby Invalid last month as a gift from Tsung Chi, was training in the front of Princess Mu and Tsung Chi's house when she was beset on all sides by fierce dogs. She was rushed to the Happy Tails emergency vet center. Fortunately, the baby (yet to be named) Invalid was in the garage sleeping.

"I was riding in the Invalid's outside tummy," Penchant explained. "If the Invalid wasn't so overweight it might have been punctured right through."

Both patients are listed in stable condition.


To read about Penchant's arrival in America, check out Tinkering, Book I of The Books of Penchant.

-TsungChi

Penchant's Birthday Blog

Penchant's celebrates his third year in America today with a Halloween birthday blowout. Penchant arrived in America from Mimjellia just over three years ago, and has declared October his official Birthday Month.

We offer the exclusive coverage:

2:14am: Stingy wakes from his Love Sac, shuffles to the kitched, eat his 11th taco, drinks a gallon of orange juice, then passes out on the floor.

2:19am: Penchant comes downstairs to search for birthday presents; he doesn't find any.

2:32am: Krafty drives to Deep's shack to check on the Invalid, Margeaux. She is sleeping with her daughter Tyrice in her outside tummy.

7:15am: Big Weight wakes up in Wilmington with heartburn and a bleeding butt. He ate raw bacon the night before; hmmm? Still, he drives to Greensboro, making the trip in one hour and 39 minutes.

8:21am: Big Weight stops for a bacon and eggs breakfast at Shoney's.

10:02am: Brunch at Naughty's. Big Weight eats a bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit followed by six Excedrin; blood pressure falls to 101/62.

12:05pm: Penchant and Princess Mu make cupcakes for the party. Penchant calls Krafty for the official spelling of his "girlfriend" -- tells him to tell her to bring him a good present.

3:07pm: Penchant's baby sister's Halloween parade. Penchant eats all of the children's Mickey Mouse shaped cheese as he performs a puppet show. Sophia does one lap in the parade in the time the other kids do three.

4:35pm: Naps. Big Weight sleeps in a separate room because, according to Penchant, he is laying out "big ones."

6:12pm: Trick or treating. Sophia, dressed as Penchant, goes first. When Penchant goes, he hears the same thing at every house: "You've already been here before!"

8:01pm: Penchant's Halloween party. Krafty brings the Invalid, dressed as his girlfriend "Margeaux." Penchant realizes she is an Invalid when he sees her outside tummy, which is filled with a baby Invalid; it was two for one day when TsungChi ordered.

9:15pm: Penchant begins training Margeaux. She crashes into several renegade trick or treaters who have been driven in from other neighborhoods. "I thought they stopped busing in Greensboro," comments Krafty, who supervises the training.

10:24pm: Penchant continues training in the garage. "It's safer in here," he explains. Margeaux repeatedly crashes into the wall; no one can fall asleep.

1:14pm: Big Weight and Stingy microwave a plate of bacon and eat it down!

2:14am: Penchant falls asleep on Sophia's pile of candy.

To read about Penchant's arrival in America and his first adventure, check out Tinkering, Book I of The Books of Penchant.

-Tsung Chi

Penchant Kick-Offs Birthday Celebration

Penchant Lama and his posse kicked off his pre-birthday celebration last night with an all-you-can-eat taco party at Princess Mu and Tsung Chi's house. Stingy Guru led the way by eating 10 tacos; he suffered from food coma and passed out on his Love Sac at 9:14pm.

Penchant's official birthday, Halloween, will mark his third year in the U.S. The day will begin with an all-you-can-eat breakfast buffet at Naughty's, followed by a Halloween parade at Penchant's baby sister's school, followed by an all-you-can-eat pizza party at PM's and TC's house. Big Weight is making the drive up from Wilmington for the festivities; rumor has it Krafty has imported an Invalid for Penchant's birthday. Once again, Penchant will be turning eight.

Check out our blog for up to the minute details of Penchant's birthday celebration.

-Tsung-Chi

Penchant kicks it with Glamazon Girls

New York, NY -- By invitation, Penchant Lama traveled last week to New York City to spend a day with his biggest fans, The Glamazon Girls. The brainchild of Merly "Lady" Finger, who longed to strut her "ass-ets" with other full figured women, The Glamazons were formed in 2001 and rocketed to fame last year with a Top 8 finish on NBC's America's Got Talent; they now perform regularly in New York City's top clubs and have appeared on Entertainment Tonight and Access Hollywood.



Glamazon member Ginger Snap (Sarah Orr) contacted Penchant after watching his "Glamazon Shame Poem" video.

"Sarah wrote me a letter and said she wanted me to visit," Penchant said. "I said to her I would do whatever she wanted because she's so beautiful. I was hoping for some love from her."

Penchant recited his shame poem to the group in Central Park; the friends then went out to dinner at an all-you can eat Chinese food buffet.

"Those girls need to keep up their shape," Penchant explained. "But it was hard to get to the buffet because the paparazzi and fans were swarming and snapping shots. When I get that famous it will be nice to have someone to consult about how to sign so many autographs."

Penchant is expected to join the Glamazons on their next tour.

"I will be living large with the Glamies," Penchant said. "Literally and figuratively. You don't want to mess with these girls."


-TsungChi

Invalids on Mimjellia!

Penchant Lama revealed today the Mimjellian method of garbanzo bean harvesting: kangaroos! Or what Penchant refers to as “invalids.”

The revelation came as Penchant’s baby sister Sophia was coloring a kangaroo in her Winnie the Pooh coloring book.

“Invalids are not gray,” Penchant squealed. “They’re blue.”

“Invalids?” said Princess Mu. “That’s a kangaroo.”

“You call it what you want,” Penchant huffed. “The invalids on Mimjellia serve two purposes. First of all, if you are really rich you have six or seven invalids. If you are poor you might have one or two. The reason we use them is because they have an inside tummy and an outside tummy. We would harness things like saddles and stirrups to the outside tummy and ride around into town. But the inside tummy, that is the problem with the invalids; that’s where they get themselves in trouble. During garbanzo harvesting season, you need the invalids to do this. The bigger your invalids, the more success you have. But it takes six or seven years to train the invalids not to put the garbanzos into their inside tummies. They’d eat a whole harvest sometimes, but after you harness them and break them in they do good work. And they're good family members. But they are sickly, so they stay in the stables.”

Read Tinkering to learn about Penchant's arrival and his first adventure in America!

-TsungChi

Penchant suspended from his orthopedic job

Penchant Lama has been suspended indefinitely for full body casting a senior citizen in the waiting room of the MW doctor's office, his new place of employment.

According to his supervisor, Toshi, Penchant needed a few hours of "practice" before he could cast regular patients. So he scouted the waiting room looking for potential clients.

"Ma'am, may I provide my casting services to you?" Penchant asked an elderly woman. She didn't respond.


"I started wrapping her up in a hot pink cast and she was not making any objections," Penchant explained. "Maybe she was hard of hearing, or maybe she was mesmerized by the television. Either way, I mummified her."

When the woman's name was called by the nurse, she tried to stand but was plastered in a seated position.

"I have to take a poop," she stammered. "What the hell is going on here."

"I cut a poop hole for her," Penchant explained. "But she really needed to push hard to projectile it out. I told the lady, 'push hard--you really got to push that baby out.'"

She couldn't. Ten minutes later, when Dr. W. removed the cast, poop slatted all over the floor. Penchant was suspended for three days without pay; Toshi was also suspended. They have been practicing Krafty Ku with their free time.

Read Tinkering to learn about Penchant's arrival and his first adventure in America!

-TsungChi

2008 International Wogging Championships

The 2008 International Wogging Championships were contested yesterday at The Country Park in Greensboro, NC. Wogging? It’s a combination of wogging and jogging. Slogan: “Almost Airborne.” 2008 competitors wogged for exactly one hour; the person who wogged the farthest in each division was the champion wogger for the year.

Jitsu Mu before the Wogging Championships modeling her Wogging t-shirt

5,002 participants competed in seven divisions. Penchant Lama summarized the categories before the race:

“You’ve got the experts, like the Kenyans, Big Weight and Koach Krafy—don’t have too many in this category because of all the fatties out there; then you’ve got the advanced group, which Mommy is in—dedicated, in-shape people without much talent; then advanced intermediate—dedicated folks with health problems, like asthma or diabetes; intermediate—they’re usually the lackadaisical who try hard but aren’t consistent in their effort—they have God-given talent, but are lazy, like Tsung Chi; advanced beginner—that’s our largest group of people, folks who have been wogging for about a year but do it more for sport than competition; then the beginners, people who have just started and show promise; then novice, our first timers.”

Wogging founder Big Weight, Sr., or “Big Big” or “Biggie” to the wogging community, kicked off the Championship with a 30-second speech. Penchant recounted the speech after the race.

“Welcome to the 2008 International Wogging Championships. We have people from all over the big international world for this event. We have the Kenyans on our right, who will surely impress with their stamina and grace. Oh yeah, sorry we couldn’t get your shirts printed up, and there won’t be any drink stations. See you at Big Naughty’s afterwards. The lunch at Naughty’s is NOT included in your entry fee.”

Penchant summarized the race at Naughty’s:

“The outturn was absolutely astounding. Honestly, we didn’t expect to have more than 100 woggers. I said, ‘they’re going to trample each other.’ And they did, except for the Kenyan who got out in front. Mommy—Jitsu Mu, and Daddy—Tsung Chi, along with almost all other woggers, were caught in the pack and were trampled or run over or thrown to the ground. Biggie yelled at these people to get up and get wogging.”

One of the many Kenyans won the expert division; Jitsu Mu won the advanced division—she wogged 7.3 miles in one hour; Tsung Chi finished a disappointing 3^rd in the Intermediate Division, which was won by Big Weight. Tsung Chi struggled to finish four miles; Debra the Trashman finished 173^rd in the beginner group; Penchant monitored the competitors for cheating. "Big Big" watched from his beach chair and yelled at racers through his megaphone.

Event proceeds did not benefit any non-profit organizatinon or charity. "Big Big" took it all.

Thanks to all who participated – see you next year!

Jitsu Mu after the race...modeling the CHEAP t-shirts provided from the International Wogging Association - What happened to the wording...sweat must have run all the words together.

Read Tinkering to learn about Penchant's arrival and his first adventure in America!

-TsungChi

Koach Krafty vs. Fat Tom (Part I)

Koach Krafty and local tennis pro Fat Tom officially have entered into what Penchant Lama has deemed an "epic battle."

Krafty, owner of the only indoor tennis center around, this winter rented six courts to Fat Tom, legendary local tennis pro and father of eight. Tom, renowned for his 140 mile per hour serve, fast food consumption, and deliquency record, wrote Krafty three checks of $5,000 each to cover the $15,000 total. Each check bounced. Upon closer inspection of the checks, Krafty's business manager Arnold McArnold noticed they were forward dated one year.

When Krafty and his close friend Bill "Big" Naughty confronted Fat Tom at BoJangles, Tom poured honey mustard sauce on Naughty's dress shirt and called Krafty's late wife Winnie a "substandard" tennis player. Naughty was able to restrain Krafty by threatening Fat Tom with a lawsuit. Naughty, a legendary Los Angeles prosecutor before he moved to Greensboro to open his breakfast shack, has never lost a court case. Tom, well aware of Naughty's reputation, offered Krafty first rights to his marijuana plot behind his tennis courts. Krafty declined. In lieu of an official court hearing, both parties will make their arguments at Naughty's on June 7 at 11:00am. Penchant Lama will preside over the case and make his ruling at 3:00pm.

Read Tinkering to learn about Penchant's arrival and his first adventure in America!

-TsungChi

Source of "Jeez Louise" Revealed

Greensboro, NC

Penchant Lama today revealed the source of his popular "Jeez Louise" saying he so often uses when he is surprised or exasperated.

Several years ago on Mimjellia, Penchant's home island, a baby girl was born with a supernumery, a extra tooth other than the typical 20 baby teeth. The tooth was lodged in roof of the baby's mouth--which is quite rare--and prompted both the doctor and the girl's parents to exclaim in unison, "Jeez Louise." Louise of course was the name of the baby girl.

The girl's parents are close friends with the Lamas, which is how Penchant came to hear the phrase.

Here are examples of apprpriate times to use the phrase "Jeez Louise."

- when the line at the buffet is backed up out the door
- when amusement parks are closed due to bad weather
- when you see someone really ugly
- when your VCR doesn't work
- when you have to wake up before noon

Read Tinkering to learn about Penchant's arrival and his first adventure in America!

-TsungChi

Penchant partners with Harris Teeter to gain financial advantage

Right in step with this week's Time magazine article on how to survive the lean economy, Penchant Lama today unveiled his Harris Teeter Rug Doctor plan.

With no end in sight for the housing slump, Penchant saw an opportunity to earn money on the "beautifacation" of on-the-market homes. After consulting several real estate experts, he determined that the first impression of a home is its carpets. With this knowledge he visited the local Harris Teeter with Koach Krafty, where he rented a used "Rug Doctor" carpet cleaning machine for $23.99.

Kelvin, who rented Penchant the machine, warned that it wasn't in optimal condition.

"Thank the holy Jesus!" Penchant exclaimed.

With 11 houses for sale in Penchant's neighborhood, he didn't have to travel far with his Rug Doctor. With Stingy Guru as his lead cleaner (the Rug Doctor was too heavy for Penchant to operate), Penchant went door to door soliciting would-be house sellers with his makeshift rug-cleaning business.

Several hours and one sweaty Stingy Guru later Penchant had "cleaned" 10 rugged-lined houses and earned a total of $473.00.

"It's desparate times," Penchant explained. "People got to get the jimmies off their rugs if they're going to sell. It was good timing for me really."

After paying Stingy $1.73 per house, Penchant returned to Harris Teeter to return the rug cleaner.

"Jeez Louise," Penchant told Kelvin. "Most of the time that Rug Doctor exploded with dirty water out of its back. But most of my clients weren't home so it worked out really well."

Based on a loosened (by Penchant's close friend Debra the Trashman) screw in the back of the machine Kelvin concurred with Penchant that the Rug Doctor was faulty and refunded Penchant his money. With the refund Penchant netted $455.70 for three hours of Stingy's work. He slipped Kelvin a few bucks for his time, energy and effort.

"The lean economy's really not having an influence on me," Penchant explained on his way to Naughty's for a steak dinner.

Read Tinkering to learn about Penchant's arrival and his first adventure in America!

-TsungChi

"Wogging for Deep Campaign" Returned to Original Date

Penchant Lama's "Wogging for Deep" Campaign, which was originally scheduled for Saturday, May 24 and then moved to tomorrow to coincide with the North Carolina Marathon, has been moved back to its original date.

Penchant was hoping the quick switch to May 3 (Penchant announced the date change with a one line, 4pt font add in YES! Weekly) would assure all participates would actually MISS the race, thus allowing Penchant to get away with not having to throw the after-party he had promised but couldn't provide because he spent all the race revenue on breakfasts at Naughty's Breakfast Shack.

Unfortunately, the threat of rain postponed the NC Marathon, ultimately thwarting Penchant's plan. Now the race will be held as originally planned on May 24 at 9am. (Not that anyone but Pench would have known of the change and change back anyway.)

"The threat of incremental (sic) rain is really outrageous," Penchant said today. "Jes Louise, I can't believe those weather people."

Proceeds from the "Wogging for Deep" campaign are intended for the purchase of a new location for the business of longtime Greensboro, NC trash refurbisher Depra the Trashman. Checks for the race can be made payable to, "Penchant Lama." So far 11 teams of woggers have signed up for the race.

To learn more about wogging: http://www.kraftyfitness.blogspot.com/

Read Tinkering to learn about Penchant's arrival and his first adventure in America!

-TsungChi

Penchant Lama Launches "Wogging for Deep" Campaign

Greensboro, NC -- Penchant Lama and his Posse have launched the “Wogging for Deep” campaign to raise money to support Debra the Trashman, legendary trash refurbisher. Debra’s junk reburbish and resale business, which has flourished in the past 10 years with the boom in the housing market, is teetering on the edge of bankruptcy. People simply aren’t buying and subsequently replacing household goods as frequently, leaving little for Debra to collect on his junk runs through Greensboro. Gas prices also are to blame; fewer people are willing to make the drive to Debra’s stockyard, which is located 15 miles outside of Greensboro. Debra’s business now is only open on Saturdays from 9am-1pm and his sales revenue has dropped 60% in the past two months.

The “Wogging for Deep” campaign is a month-long fundraising effort that will culminate with a “wog” at Spencer Love Park on Saturday, May 24 starting at 9am. Wogging, invented by Debra’s close friend Big Weight, is a combination of walking and jogging. Big Weight’s “Almost Airborne” workout CD sold over 1 million copies in 2007. The “Wogging for Deep” wog will be eight miles.

“Wogging for Deep” will be sponsored by Big Naughty’s Breakfast Shack. Naughty, a retired criminal defense lawyer from Los Angeles who opened his restaurant in 2001 with financial backing from long-time friend Koach Krafty, bought all his business’s tables from Debra. He will match one dollar for each dollar raised during the campaign and provide a pancake feast after the wog. All monies raised will go toward securing a new business location for Debra and building a state-of-the-art warehouse.

Penchant Lama will direct the campaign and offer the pre-wog speech on May 24. Penchant works as a part-time tinker for Debra during the summer months. He is now accepting applications for the wog. The registration fee is $150.00. Checks for the wog and for general donations are to be made payable to Penchant Lama.

Discrepancy in Penchant’s arrival in America story puts “greeter” job in jeopardy

Greensboro, NC

Penchant Lama’s rendition of the circumstances surrounding his arrival in America came into question today after his manager at McDonald’s conducted a routine background check on his star greeter.

During his McDonald’s interview Penchant was asked to describe a situation in which he overcame adversity. Ignoring his own interview tip to decline answering difficult questions, Penchant may have exaggerated the details of his arrival in America on his flying machine, The Gloria. Penchant told manager Jimmie Dean Deans he arrived through a barrage of surface to ground missile fire from The Pentagon, and that when he finally landed in Greensboro, NC he had to shimmie into Princess Mu’s apartment under sniper fire from gang members from neighboring High Point.

“Me and Hillary Clinton have had a very difficult time with our arrivals into new countries,” Penchant explained.

Somewhat impressed and somewhat skeptical of Penchant’s story, Mr. Deans today contacted Penchant’s primary reference, Princess Mu. Princess Mu explained that Penchant in fact crashed into her yoga room, but that the Mimjellian was unharmed and made no mention of arriving under duress, other than the fact that he had to avoid a Krispy Kreme “Hot Now” sign as he flew over Rocky Mount, NC.

Penchant has yet to return Mr. Deans' phone messages asking for clarification on this matter. He is expected to work a double shift tomorrow, and is being considered for a position in the national marketing headquarters of McDonald’s.

Sales at the McDonald's that employes Penchant have risen 7% in the two weeks Penchant has been a greeter.

Read Tinkering to learn about Penchant's arrival and his first adventure in America!

-TsungChi

Penchant Lama fools McDonald's customers on April 1

Greensboro, NC

"Today is April Fools' Day. We do not have this day on Mimjellia. To understand April Fools, someone must first have a terrible joke played on them. On my way to work this morning, Koach Krafty picked me up. He says, 'Penchant Lama, Hallowicious (Krafty's adopted grandmother) is in the hospital.' I said, 'what?' Stingy and Big Weight were in the front seat of the Winnebago cracking up, and I'm in the back seat in tears over Hallowicious, thinking I'm not going to get any good treats for Halloween if she dies. And then they said, 'Penchant Lama, stop your crying wussy baby, Hallowicous is fine, it's April Fools' Day. I said, 'what!? You Crazy?' Then they explained to me what April Fools' Day is.

"I get to work, and I think perfect, I'm going to play April Fools to the people at work. So, the first customer comes up to me and says, 'Give me a double cheeseburger little boy.' I say to him, 'we're out of cows, go to another restaurant. Then, 10, 20, 30, 40 people, I turn them away. The manager comes up to me and says, 'Penchant Lama, we got so many cow patties stacking up back here. What's going on up here. I say, 'April Fools' biddie boy.' He says, 'What?' I say, 'I'm playing a very sophisticated, complex April Fools' joke via the customers on you.' He doens't look very happy.

Love, Penchant
Return to PenchantLama.com

		> Buy this Shirt on Zazzle
		> Add This Bumper Sticker on Facebook
		> View this Video on Revver

Read Tinkering to learn about Penchant's arrival and his first adventure in America!

-TsungChi

Penchant Lama Reveals Top 6 Interview Tips

Greensboro, NC

After securing a serving position at McDonald’s and subsequently being promoted to lead greeter, Penchant Lama has released his top 6 interview tips. Penchant Lama would like to credit his mother on Mimjellia, Mama Lama, for a few of these tips.
(Note: Penchant offers no advice for how to keep a job; in fact, he was fired from his five previous jobs.)

1. Don't eat because of your nerves or gorge yourself prior to your interview because you might stink up the place.

2. If you don’t know the answer, say, “I’m not comfortable with that question.” For example, if the interviewer asks, “do you have any previous experience in the food industry,” simply say, “I’m not comfortable with that question.”

3. Wear your church clothes on your interview, even if you don’t go to church.

4. Instead of focusing on your answers during the interview, be thinking of a compliment you can give the person interviewing you. You can give anyone a compliment, even if they are as ugly as a dog! People love compliments, and the right one will land you the job.

5. Embrace at the end of your interview, and say, “Thanks for your time, energy, and effort.” TE2…That TE squared.

6. Instead of a resume, bring an original piece of art for the house of the person
interviewing you. College posters with profanity and not a good idea.

Penchant expects to be contacted by Stephen Covey with a "career tips" book project collaboration request in the near future. Penchant says he will offer Mr. Covery 5%of the profits for his name recognition power. Penchant will take 95% for directing the content.

Posted by: Penchant Lama, Inc.

Read Tinkering to learn about Penchant's arrival and his first adventure in America!

-TsungChi

Clinton forgoes visit to local Greensboro, NC college, citing fear of "Licorice Whips"

Greensboro, NC

Former president Bill Clinton altered the site of his Greensboro, NC rally yesterday amid reports that Penchant Lama was planning to "licorice whip" him.

Clinton, who was scheduled to conduct a democratic rally for his wife Hillary's presidential nomination bid at a local private college, learned of the news yesterday afternoon and moved his rally to the local YMCA.

Penchant Lama, who has dabbled as the second assistant cheerleading coach at the same college Clinton had planned to speak at, recently perfected the "licorice whip," which he learned from Koach Krafty. Krafty developed the whip--which is the act of slapping an opponent across the forearms with extra long Red Vines licorice strands--as a tool in his tennis teaching arsenal.

Read Tinkering to learn about Penchant's arrival and his first adventure in America!

-TsungChi

Penchant practiced the "licorice whip" at his job at the local McDonalds. Each customer that ordered a meat product, which is approximately 94.4% of the customers, (Penchant Lama is a vegetarian) earned a licorice whip across the wrist from Penchant. After whipping 87 customers in a row Penchant was promoted to the postion of "greeter." Management commented on the promotion and released this statement to the public. "We are sorry to those that Penchant whipped, he has been reprimanded and moved to a more suitable job discription. Future meat ordering customers will not be harmed."

Penchant planned to rush the stage at the rally and "licorice whip" Clinton in the ankle. But, prior to the rally, he bragged about his plan to his close friend Stingy Guru, who is one of the leading financial supporters of Senator Clinton's campaign. Stingy immediately contacted the authories and warned his close friend and yoga student, Bill.

Penchant Lama is a stauch supporter of Senator Obama and his bid for the presidential nomination. He had planned to donate a portion ($100.00) of his penny stock fortune to the Obama campaign, but he lost it investing with CNN money man Jim Cramer.

Posted by: Penchant Lama, Inc.

Penchant smiles for 412 seconds, earns job at McDonald's

Greensboro, NC

Penchant Lama has secured a job at the local McDonald's, which is looking to hire smiling faces. Penchant spotted the advertising sign late yesterday afternoon and prepared for his interview in a video shot at the restaurant.

Watch Penchant prepare for his interview.

Penchant then entered the store, smiled at the manager, and immediately was offered a job. He begins on Monday morning.

"It's a job I really think I can excel at," Penchant explained as he stood in front of a smiling mouth painted on the window of the restaurant. "I think I can replicate this mouth and tongue for the customers."

Most people looking to secure employment at McDonald's need to complete an on-line application. But Penchant got the job by smiling for 412 consecutive seconds.

It will be the fifth job for Penchant in five months. He's worked at Krispy Kreme, at a bread shop, at a local college coaching cheerleading, and for Depra the Trashman. He was fired from his first three jobs because he rarely showed up for work and expected to be promoted to a management position after the first day of work. He still does seasonal tinkering for Depra.


Posted by: Penchant Lama, Inc.

Read Tinkering to learn about Penchant's arrival and his first adventure in America!

-TsungChi

Koach Krafty teaches Stingy Guru the value of living in America with INS gag

Greensboro, NC

Koach Krafty lured Stingy Guru—on Stingy’s birthday—to Immigration and Naturalization Service today with a phony letter threatening deportation and the death of his family and friends, only to surprise Stingy with pizza and a lesson about the joy of living in America.

Stingy, an Indian yoga master who lives with Princess Mu in Washington, DC on a special Visa, arrived at INS at 5:00am this morning for what he expected to be the beginning of his deportation back to Kashpaya, India.

“Stingy was held in a big pen like a dog with the other illegal aliens,” Penchant explained. “They keep them all in there like dogs!”

After crying like a baby for several hours, Penchant and Krafty arrived at his cell with a pepperoni pizza. It turns out Krafty bribed his friends at INS to hold Stingy without food.

“Krafty said he needed to teach Stingy a lesson about how great it is to live in America,” Penchant explained. “Now, this would be a really good trick to play on someone who you knew lived in America without the proper paperwork.”

Read Tinkering to learn about Penchant's arrival and his first adventure in America!

-TsungChi

Koach Krafty close to signing deal with Roddick

Greensboro, NC

Legendary tennis guru Koach Krafty is close to signing a deal to be the next coach of Andy Roddick, according to Penchant Lama, Krafty’s best friend and financial agent.

The deal, expected to be finalized next week, will pay Krafty only if Roddick wins one of the three remaining majors. If so, Krafty will receive either $500,000 or a new Outlaw Winnebago (Krafty’s 1978 CN0847C1 Jamboree is in the shop for repairs) should Roddick win any of the year’s remaining majors.

“Roddick’s got no diversity in his game, and Krafty’s running low on money and his Winnie is a piece of crap,” Penchant Lama explained.

The deal does not specify how much Penchant will receive as Krafty’s agent.

Roddick recently parted ways with Jimmy Connors and is looking for a coach who can provide him the all-court game he needs to compete with Roger Federer and the game’s rising young stars.

Krafty has never coached a world class player, but he is regarded as the top mental coach in all of sport. Krafty also can drink 15 Mountain Dews in six hours and is the 31-time World Drop-In Champion. Drop-In is a game Krafty developed in 1976. The championship is held in Greensboro each year, is played on only half the court, is by invitation only, and is considered by Krafty to the game’s fifth major. Last year’s field included just four players. Krafty, at age 61, was the youngest by 11 years.

Krafty is known for encouraging his players to serve underhand and to use varying slices and spins to keep opponents off balance. He also is known for barking at his player’s opponent during matches from his courtside beach chair. He currently is negotiating with French Open, Wimbledon and US Open tournament officials for the right to sit courtside during Roddick’s matches.

Krafty, whose slogan is “Eat it Down,” competed on the pro tour from 1973-1975. His record as a pro was 12-31 with one victory over Jimmy Connors. Roddick has one major victory to his credit, the 2003 US Open. He was not available for comment on the deal, but AP tour officials reported that Krafty was in Dubai as Roddick won his second tournament in three weeks.


Read Tinkering to learn about Penchant's arrival and his first adventure in America!

-TsungChi

On-Line Book Series Launches, Website Crashes!

Penchant Lama today officially launched his online, contemporary adventure book series, The Books of Penchant. At approximately 10:30 am all 336 of Penchant's Facebook friends flooded the site, causing it to crash.

"It's wasn't unexpected," Penchant said. "I'm the most popular Mimjellian on Facebook."

Fortunately, the site is now up and running and book sales on day one are strong. Koach Krafty bought 20 copies for his close friends in Greensboro. Even Stingy Guru, the cheapest yoga guru around, bought a copy.

"He had to buy one Penchant," explained. "He's a star character."

"Tinkering" has sold 41 copies in three hours.


Posted by: Penchant Lama, Inc.

Remembering Payne Stewart

Pinehurst, NC

I was just in Pinehurst, North Carolina for an appearance and book signing. It is the golf capitol of the East Coast.

I had to get a picture with my golf hero, Payne Stewart, who made one of the greatest putts ever on 18 at Pinehurst No. 2 to win the 1999 open. He was also a great dresser, like me!



Love, Penchant

Read Tinkering to learn about Penchant's arrival and his first adventure in America!

Penchant accosts Jim Cramer over penny stock investment

New York, NY

Penchant Lama accosted MSNBC money man Jim Cramer outside the company’s New York City studio this week. According to Irene Lansberg, who was in New York from Atlanta, GA to buy bagels for her family, Penchant hopped on Mr. Cramer’s shoulder and called him a “jerk.” Then he jabbered something about penny stocks and complained that he was broke.

“It was the strangest thing,” Lansberg said. “I’m in the NBC studio shopping store, and there’s Jim Cramer, and all of a sudden this little blue guy is slapping him in the face, asking for his money. It is New York, but that was weird.”

Penchant, fresh from a windfall he received when his close friend Koach Krafty sold his Vincent de Hugo original to Southeby’s for $11.3 million (Penchant received $1.3 million for helping to refurbish the piece), invested $100.00 with Mr. Cramer in an obscure mining company in Peru that specializes in refining the steel used on forklifts. The company’s penny stock plummeted after the AP reported that it was the company’s metal that was used on the forklift that was used to lift injured cattle in the Westland/Hallmark Meet Company in Chino, CA.

“It’s really not a good situation,” Penchant said, referring not to the recalled beef (Penchant is a vegetarian) but to his lost money. “Told Jim to get on some hot penny stocks. And he lost my jimmies.”



Penchant was in town for the 2008 International Toy Fair. He ran into Cramer after visiting the set of the Today show. Cramer didn’t give Penchant his money, but the tiny Mimjellian did earn a few dollars running security for the Naked Cowboy in Times Square. He would have earned more if he hadn’t been sweep away by the flowing sea of Kosovo Independence Day revelers.


Read Tinkering to learn about Penchant's arrival and his first adventure in America!

-TsungChi

Toy Fair 2008 News and Pictures

New York, NY

Here are some pictures from Toy Fair 2008. What an insane and crazy adventure! Above is Titan from American Gladiators. I showed Titan some of my crazy moves to help him in the next insane competitions. He was jacked but gentle with my baby sister!
This is Tsung-Chi and Jitsu and me getting ready to go to the Today Show. What an insane and crazy time that was. Stay tuned for some clips.
This is Jitsu, me and Hello Kitty. Hello Kitty was a bore!

Here are some pictures from Toy Fair 2008. What an adventure!

Read Tinkering to learn about Penchant's arrival and his first adventure in America!

-JitsuMu

Toy Fair 2008 - New York City - CRAZY?

New York, NY

Toy Fair 2008 was CRAZY!

Some great toys, some CRAZY toys and some interesting toys!

Penchant's Top FIVE toys:

Crazy pogo jumping! http://www.flybar.com/

Skateboarding to a new level- very insane! http://www.streetsurfing.com/

Magic movement - http://www.tryouttoys.com/

Made by kids and for kids - Creative! http://www.aminaldolls.com/

Videos and pictures of all this to come!

Love, Penchant Lama

"Team Rodeo" video blamed for Senator Clinton's poor showing in Potomac Primaries

Greensboro, NC

After running in front for the several months leading up to the Potomac Primaries, Senator Hillary Clinton has fallen behind Senator Barack Obama in the race for the Democratic presidential nomination after being swept in Maryland, Virginia and the District of Columbia.

A spokeswoman for the Clinton campaign blamed the senator's poor finish on a video that was posted just days before the mid-Atlantic primaries. The video, produced by Penchant Lama, Inc. depicts Hillary as a pony being ridden by various men in what is described by the video's star Penchant Lama as a "team rodeo." Although Penchant insists Hillary is "no pony," her dispirited rocking during the rodeo conveys a lack of strength and purpose, an image not lost on voters.

WATCH crazy video: http://www.penchantlama.com/pages/video-riding-hillary-clinton.html

"Obviously it was damaging," said former President Bill Clinton of the video, which is gaining popularity on sites such as YouTube and Metacafe. "That's not the Hillary I've experienced. I wish Penchant had invited me to his rodeo."

In an exclusive interview with CNN, Penchant claimed he did invite the former President, but that Clinton declined when he learned the name of the "bull" he would be riding.

"Bill's a sweet boy," Penchant said, "but he wanted a bull named Monica."

Bob Stout, a farmer from Staunton, VA, said: "I've seen dead rats in my barn move faster than Hillary." After seeing the video he decided to vote for Obama.

Penchant argued that he did try an assortment of "teams" on Hillary, but none could elicit the dynamic bucking he expected.

Hillary now will have to shake her image as a tepid pony as she looks toward key primaries in Texas and Ohio

"It's very disappointing," she said. "I think my ankles are too swollen to run from behind."

Ankles? What Hillary needs now is a large scooper to pick up the giant poops being dropped by the stallion now running ahead of her.


Read Tinkering to learn about Penchant's arrival and his first adventure in America!

-TsungChi