Penchant Lama Launches "Wogging for Deep" Campaign

Greensboro, NC -- Penchant Lama and his Posse have launched the “Wogging for Deep” campaign to raise money to support Debra the Trashman, legendary trash refurbisher. Debra’s junk reburbish and resale business, which has flourished in the past 10 years with the boom in the housing market, is teetering on the edge of bankruptcy. People simply aren’t buying and subsequently replacing household goods as frequently, leaving little for Debra to collect on his junk runs through Greensboro. Gas prices also are to blame; fewer people are willing to make the drive to Debra’s stockyard, which is located 15 miles outside of Greensboro. Debra’s business now is only open on Saturdays from 9am-1pm and his sales revenue has dropped 60% in the past two months.

The “Wogging for Deep” campaign is a month-long fundraising effort that will culminate with a “wog” at Spencer Love Park on Saturday, May 24 starting at 9am. Wogging, invented by Debra’s close friend Big Weight, is a combination of walking and jogging. Big Weight’s “Almost Airborne” workout CD sold over 1 million copies in 2007. The “Wogging for Deep” wog will be eight miles.

“Wogging for Deep” will be sponsored by Big Naughty’s Breakfast Shack. Naughty, a retired criminal defense lawyer from Los Angeles who opened his restaurant in 2001 with financial backing from long-time friend Koach Krafty, bought all his business’s tables from Debra. He will match one dollar for each dollar raised during the campaign and provide a pancake feast after the wog. All monies raised will go toward securing a new business location for Debra and building a state-of-the-art warehouse.

Penchant Lama will direct the campaign and offer the pre-wog speech on May 24. Penchant works as a part-time tinker for Debra during the summer months. He is now accepting applications for the wog. The registration fee is $150.00. Checks for the wog and for general donations are to be made payable to Penchant Lama.

Discrepancy in Penchant’s arrival in America story puts “greeter” job in jeopardy

Greensboro, NC

Penchant Lama’s rendition of the circumstances surrounding his arrival in America came into question today after his manager at McDonald’s conducted a routine background check on his star greeter.

During his McDonald’s interview Penchant was asked to describe a situation in which he overcame adversity. Ignoring his own interview tip to decline answering difficult questions, Penchant may have exaggerated the details of his arrival in America on his flying machine, The Gloria. Penchant told manager Jimmie Dean Deans he arrived through a barrage of surface to ground missile fire from The Pentagon, and that when he finally landed in Greensboro, NC he had to shimmie into Princess Mu’s apartment under sniper fire from gang members from neighboring High Point.

“Me and Hillary Clinton have had a very difficult time with our arrivals into new countries,” Penchant explained.

Somewhat impressed and somewhat skeptical of Penchant’s story, Mr. Deans today contacted Penchant’s primary reference, Princess Mu. Princess Mu explained that Penchant in fact crashed into her yoga room, but that the Mimjellian was unharmed and made no mention of arriving under duress, other than the fact that he had to avoid a Krispy Kreme “Hot Now” sign as he flew over Rocky Mount, NC.

Penchant has yet to return Mr. Deans' phone messages asking for clarification on this matter. He is expected to work a double shift tomorrow, and is being considered for a position in the national marketing headquarters of McDonald’s.

Sales at the McDonald's that employes Penchant have risen 7% in the two weeks Penchant has been a greeter.

Read Tinkering to learn about Penchant's arrival and his first adventure in America!

-TsungChi

Penchant Lama fools McDonald's customers on April 1

Greensboro, NC

"Today is April Fools' Day. We do not have this day on Mimjellia. To understand April Fools, someone must first have a terrible joke played on them. On my way to work this morning, Koach Krafty picked me up. He says, 'Penchant Lama, Hallowicious (Krafty's adopted grandmother) is in the hospital.' I said, 'what?' Stingy and Big Weight were in the front seat of the Winnebago cracking up, and I'm in the back seat in tears over Hallowicious, thinking I'm not going to get any good treats for Halloween if she dies. And then they said, 'Penchant Lama, stop your crying wussy baby, Hallowicous is fine, it's April Fools' Day. I said, 'what!? You Crazy?' Then they explained to me what April Fools' Day is.

"I get to work, and I think perfect, I'm going to play April Fools to the people at work. So, the first customer comes up to me and says, 'Give me a double cheeseburger little boy.' I say to him, 'we're out of cows, go to another restaurant. Then, 10, 20, 30, 40 people, I turn them away. The manager comes up to me and says, 'Penchant Lama, we got so many cow patties stacking up back here. What's going on up here. I say, 'April Fools' biddie boy.' He says, 'What?' I say, 'I'm playing a very sophisticated, complex April Fools' joke via the customers on you.' He doens't look very happy.

Love, Penchant
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Read Tinkering to learn about Penchant's arrival and his first adventure in America!

-TsungChi