Penchant's Birthday Blog

Penchant's celebrates his third year in America today with a Halloween birthday blowout. Penchant arrived in America from Mimjellia just over three years ago, and has declared October his official Birthday Month.

We offer the exclusive coverage:

2:14am: Stingy wakes from his Love Sac, shuffles to the kitched, eat his 11th taco, drinks a gallon of orange juice, then passes out on the floor.

2:19am: Penchant comes downstairs to search for birthday presents; he doesn't find any.

2:32am: Krafty drives to Deep's shack to check on the Invalid, Margeaux. She is sleeping with her daughter Tyrice in her outside tummy.

7:15am: Big Weight wakes up in Wilmington with heartburn and a bleeding butt. He ate raw bacon the night before; hmmm? Still, he drives to Greensboro, making the trip in one hour and 39 minutes.

8:21am: Big Weight stops for a bacon and eggs breakfast at Shoney's.

10:02am: Brunch at Naughty's. Big Weight eats a bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit followed by six Excedrin; blood pressure falls to 101/62.

12:05pm: Penchant and Princess Mu make cupcakes for the party. Penchant calls Krafty for the official spelling of his "girlfriend" -- tells him to tell her to bring him a good present.

3:07pm: Penchant's baby sister's Halloween parade. Penchant eats all of the children's Mickey Mouse shaped cheese as he performs a puppet show. Sophia does one lap in the parade in the time the other kids do three.

4:35pm: Naps. Big Weight sleeps in a separate room because, according to Penchant, he is laying out "big ones."

6:12pm: Trick or treating. Sophia, dressed as Penchant, goes first. When Penchant goes, he hears the same thing at every house: "You've already been here before!"

8:01pm: Penchant's Halloween party. Krafty brings the Invalid, dressed as his girlfriend "Margeaux." Penchant realizes she is an Invalid when he sees her outside tummy, which is filled with a baby Invalid; it was two for one day when TsungChi ordered.

9:15pm: Penchant begins training Margeaux. She crashes into several renegade trick or treaters who have been driven in from other neighborhoods. "I thought they stopped busing in Greensboro," comments Krafty, who supervises the training.

10:24pm: Penchant continues training in the garage. "It's safer in here," he explains. Margeaux repeatedly crashes into the wall; no one can fall asleep.

1:14pm: Big Weight and Stingy microwave a plate of bacon and eat it down!

2:14am: Penchant falls asleep on Sophia's pile of candy.

To read about Penchant's arrival in America and his first adventure, check out Tinkering, Book I of The Books of Penchant.

-Tsung Chi

Penchant Kick-Offs Birthday Celebration

Penchant Lama and his posse kicked off his pre-birthday celebration last night with an all-you-can-eat taco party at Princess Mu and Tsung Chi's house. Stingy Guru led the way by eating 10 tacos; he suffered from food coma and passed out on his Love Sac at 9:14pm.

Penchant's official birthday, Halloween, will mark his third year in the U.S. The day will begin with an all-you-can-eat breakfast buffet at Naughty's, followed by a Halloween parade at Penchant's baby sister's school, followed by an all-you-can-eat pizza party at PM's and TC's house. Big Weight is making the drive up from Wilmington for the festivities; rumor has it Krafty has imported an Invalid for Penchant's birthday. Once again, Penchant will be turning eight.

Check out our blog for up to the minute details of Penchant's birthday celebration.

-Tsung-Chi

Penchant kicks it with Glamazon Girls

New York, NY -- By invitation, Penchant Lama traveled last week to New York City to spend a day with his biggest fans, The Glamazon Girls. The brainchild of Merly "Lady" Finger, who longed to strut her "ass-ets" with other full figured women, The Glamazons were formed in 2001 and rocketed to fame last year with a Top 8 finish on NBC's America's Got Talent; they now perform regularly in New York City's top clubs and have appeared on Entertainment Tonight and Access Hollywood.



Glamazon member Ginger Snap (Sarah Orr) contacted Penchant after watching his "Glamazon Shame Poem" video.

"Sarah wrote me a letter and said she wanted me to visit," Penchant said. "I said to her I would do whatever she wanted because she's so beautiful. I was hoping for some love from her."

Penchant recited his shame poem to the group in Central Park; the friends then went out to dinner at an all-you can eat Chinese food buffet.

"Those girls need to keep up their shape," Penchant explained. "But it was hard to get to the buffet because the paparazzi and fans were swarming and snapping shots. When I get that famous it will be nice to have someone to consult about how to sign so many autographs."

Penchant is expected to join the Glamazons on their next tour.

"I will be living large with the Glamies," Penchant said. "Literally and figuratively. You don't want to mess with these girls."


-TsungChi

Invalids on Mimjellia!

Penchant Lama revealed today the Mimjellian method of garbanzo bean harvesting: kangaroos! Or what Penchant refers to as “invalids.”

The revelation came as Penchant’s baby sister Sophia was coloring a kangaroo in her Winnie the Pooh coloring book.

“Invalids are not gray,” Penchant squealed. “They’re blue.”

“Invalids?” said Princess Mu. “That’s a kangaroo.”

“You call it what you want,” Penchant huffed. “The invalids on Mimjellia serve two purposes. First of all, if you are really rich you have six or seven invalids. If you are poor you might have one or two. The reason we use them is because they have an inside tummy and an outside tummy. We would harness things like saddles and stirrups to the outside tummy and ride around into town. But the inside tummy, that is the problem with the invalids; that’s where they get themselves in trouble. During garbanzo harvesting season, you need the invalids to do this. The bigger your invalids, the more success you have. But it takes six or seven years to train the invalids not to put the garbanzos into their inside tummies. They’d eat a whole harvest sometimes, but after you harness them and break them in they do good work. And they're good family members. But they are sickly, so they stay in the stables.”

Read Tinkering to learn about Penchant's arrival and his first adventure in America!

-TsungChi

Penchant suspended from his orthopedic job

Penchant Lama has been suspended indefinitely for full body casting a senior citizen in the waiting room of the MW doctor's office, his new place of employment.

According to his supervisor, Toshi, Penchant needed a few hours of "practice" before he could cast regular patients. So he scouted the waiting room looking for potential clients.

"Ma'am, may I provide my casting services to you?" Penchant asked an elderly woman. She didn't respond.


"I started wrapping her up in a hot pink cast and she was not making any objections," Penchant explained. "Maybe she was hard of hearing, or maybe she was mesmerized by the television. Either way, I mummified her."

When the woman's name was called by the nurse, she tried to stand but was plastered in a seated position.

"I have to take a poop," she stammered. "What the hell is going on here."

"I cut a poop hole for her," Penchant explained. "But she really needed to push hard to projectile it out. I told the lady, 'push hard--you really got to push that baby out.'"

She couldn't. Ten minutes later, when Dr. W. removed the cast, poop slatted all over the floor. Penchant was suspended for three days without pay; Toshi was also suspended. They have been practicing Krafty Ku with their free time.

Read Tinkering to learn about Penchant's arrival and his first adventure in America!

-TsungChi