The 2008 International Wogging Championships were contested yesterday at The Country Park in Greensboro, NC. Wogging? It’s a combination of wogging and jogging. Slogan: “Almost Airborne.” 2008 competitors wogged for exactly one hour; the person who wogged the farthest in each division was the champion wogger for the year.
Jitsu Mu before the Wogging Championships modeling her Wogging t-shirt
5,002 participants competed in seven divisions. Penchant Lama summarized the categories before the race:
“You’ve got the experts, like the Kenyans, Big Weight and Koach Krafy—don’t have too many in this category because of all the fatties out there; then you’ve got the advanced group, which Mommy is in—dedicated, in-shape people without much talent; then advanced intermediate—dedicated folks with health problems, like asthma or diabetes; intermediate—they’re usually the lackadaisical who try hard but aren’t consistent in their effort—they have God-given talent, but are lazy, like Tsung Chi; advanced beginner—that’s our largest group of people, folks who have been wogging for about a year but do it more for sport than competition; then the beginners, people who have just started and show promise; then novice, our first timers.”
Wogging founder Big Weight, Sr., or “Big Big” or “Biggie” to the wogging community, kicked off the Championship with a 30-second speech. Penchant recounted the speech after the race.
“Welcome to the 2008 International Wogging Championships. We have people from all over the big international world for this event. We have the Kenyans on our right, who will surely impress with their stamina and grace. Oh yeah, sorry we couldn’t get your shirts printed up, and there won’t be any drink stations. See you at Big Naughty’s afterwards. The lunch at Naughty’s is NOT included in your entry fee.”
Penchant summarized the race at Naughty’s:
“The outturn was absolutely astounding. Honestly, we didn’t expect to have more than 100 woggers. I said, ‘they’re going to trample each other.’ And they did, except for the Kenyan who got out in front. Mommy—Jitsu Mu, and Daddy—Tsung Chi, along with almost all other woggers, were caught in the pack and were trampled or run over or thrown to the ground. Biggie yelled at these people to get up and get wogging.”
One of the many Kenyans won the expert division; Jitsu Mu won the advanced division—she wogged 7.3 miles in one hour; Tsung Chi finished a disappointing 3rd in the Intermediate Division, which was won by Big Weight. Tsung Chi struggled to finish four miles; Debra the Trashman finished 173rd in the beginner group; Penchant monitored the competitors for cheating. "Big Big" watched from his beach chair and yelled at racers through his megaphone.
Event proceeds did not benefit any non-profit organizatinon or charity. "Big Big" took it all.
Thanks to all who participated – see you next year!
Jitsu Mu after the race...modeling the CHEAP t-shirts provided from the International Wogging Association - What happened to the wording...sweat must have run all the words together.
Read Tinkering to learn about Penchant's arrival and his first adventure in America!
-TsungChi
