Koach Krafty to Retire from Coaching Tennis

Greensboro, NC -- Legendary Greensboro tennis professional Koach Krafty announced his retirement today through his spokesman, Penchant Lama. Krafty taught for 31 years on the hard court off of Pisgah Church and Willoughby Road. He averaged 13 hours of teaching a day, six days a week, for 31 years. 14 times he earned "Community Man of the Year" honors for his work with kids. Krafty rarely taught basic skills or fundamentals; mostly he worked with his clients on special spins and mental toughness. Krafty taught from a rusty lawn chair; he never used a racket to teach in all his time on the court.

Before teaching Krafty played professionally for six years. He never won on tour, but he did defeat Jimmmy Connors once and is the 31 time Greensboro "drop-in" champion. He coached Andy Roddick and Roger Federer in his last few years as a pro.

Krafty has retired to spend more time with his revolving door of girlfriends. He also is serving as a consultant for Penchant on his many business ventures.

"With the infusion of rather large men and unusually large women on the tours today, Krafty suspects the rampent use of performance enhancing drugs," Penchant said. "His slicing and intimidation techniques simply don't work for today's game of rotund, juieced, and beastly players. He will now focus his efforts on me, and more civilized sports such as gymnastics and dance."

-Tsung Chi